Embracing the Unexpected

It happens. The unexpected call, the unforeseen difficult conversation, a relationship in turmoil, a new health diagnosis, a job change or loss of a loved one. Perhaps something you ignored for a long time reared its head when you least expected it and turned your life upside down. As human beings we are faced with the vulnerability of uncertainty on a fairly regular basis. The extent of how much some of those unexpected situations cause distress is where our “work” lies. As Pema Chodron tells us, the root of suffering is resisting the certainty that no matter what the circumstances, uncertainty is all we truly have.

The leaving of familiar ground and stepping off onto a landscape of not having control leads to a multitude of emotions. Stepping into the wilderness of uncertainty is an undertaking of having a new experience within your self even while the needle of your internal compass is spinning erratically. This shaky ground requires you to feel all the feels, even the uncomfortable emotions and proceed slowly. The only safety net is when we engage in self-compassion while experiencing all the sensations of free falling in the face of uncertainty. Finding your breath, pausing before taking action and finding the firm ground beneath your feet is vital. Additionally, the practice of mindfulness can assist in developing the ability to surrender. Surrendering involves a releasing of your grip from the need to have control over that which you ultimately have little to no control. 
 
I remember when I got the call that my brother had died unexpectedly.  I was interviewing a candidate for a job at the Center when someone slowly opened the door to my office, with a look of urgency; she told me that I needed to take a critical call. I excused myself and took the call. I listened but I couldn’t quite grasp what was being shared. It was surreal. My legs felt like Jell-O.   As I think back on it today, I was free falling into a state of shock and deep sadness. I lost both my parents several years earlier but losing my sibling, this was new terrain to navigate. New emotions. I recall a sensation not unlike that of being tossed around in the undertow of a wave when I miscalculated my timing in body surfing. All of a sudden I couldn’t differentiate between which was the ocean floor and which was the surface of the water. Fear and disorientation catapulted me into a brief panic until I could right myself.  This. This is exactly what if feels like when the unforeseen, the unexpected comes crashing over you like a wave.

 In my earlier years, I was a white knuckler, trying desperately to control things that were falling apart. Finally, after experiencing vulnerability in tumultuous times over the many years, I found a strange sense of stability with being “comfortable” while being uncomfortable.  It is an understatement when I say that the tools of mindfulness have been a lifesaver. The ability to plant my feet firmly on the ground, take a seat when disoriented and find my breath when life serves up the unexpected or when dealing with uncertainty has never failed me. It doesn’t work however, when I am fighting for control. It’s not perfect, I am a work in progress. 

The only thing I know with certainty is nothing is certain. The unexpected will continue to happen. The queasiness of impermanence afflicts us all.  I know the only thing I will have any control over is how I choose to manage my emotions in the face of the winds of unexpected change. Traversing the terrain of uncertainty is a given. Acceptance, surrendering and the practice of mindfulness is the healing balm.  Compassion for your self when facing uncertain scenarios is a must. In times of great uncertainty, may your heart be at ease and may you find moments of peace in the ordinary.

In light and love,

Patti